My prediction was correct, and I have absolutely worked on nothing that I said I would the last time I made a writing update post. I’ve also had a pretty sluggish week and most of my writing hours have gone to fiction rather than building up my other skills like I wanted to. I was a bit busier this week than normal. And I haven’t been sleeping well, so I end up just haggard over the keyboard wondering if I just eat the coffee then maybe it’ll take effect.

What I’m writing at the moment is just based off of a line I had in my head one day. I’ve written out the key points of the plot but have already reached the point where I was so interested in writing about it that I didn’t really plan it out properly. I’ve really only got a nice start and an ending that I’m excited about … which is like having a cake where only the outside is cooked really. The ingredients on the inside aren’t even really mixed, and so that’s my focus for that project for this week.

Sometimes it feels like a waste of time smashing out 10,000 words when I know that they’re just scattered leaves that I need to rake up … but that’s the beauty of getting the words out, they’re there to rake up. Can’t edit nothing.

What I’ve been working on is exploring some important parts of my life, and so I’m a bit worried about not getting it right … and then I remind myself that it’s only the FIRST DRAFT, and it likely won’t see other eyes for a long time. It’s such a strange thing, being a writer who rarely shares my work but is so anxious about writing because of what others might think about it. They’ll likely not read my first draft, and so it really can be as chaotic as I’d like. And I really need to be sharing my work so I can get feedback on it. It always feels so hard to try and get the people around me to read my work, and so I guess I’ve just told myself not to bother putting it up on websites or sharing with other writers because it feels like a stack of garbage.

Reminder: it doesn’t matter if your first draft is an absolute monster, it’s YOURS and you can tame it.