Recently I’ve found that I have very little motivation at the moment. The days are flickering by and each time I write my Morning Pages I realise that I haven’t done anything the day before. Those deadlines aren’t losing track of time, though, and I need to remember that.

Sometimes I think that I’m pressing up against a moving wall, trying to halt time because it’s getting away, but recently I’ve started believing that it’s not about trying to prevent time from moving but more about running on that path so that time has to catch up with me. Don’t push on that moving wall and just run ahead of it.

Translation: get shit done.

I think it was a combination of stress in the previous weeks because of my uni work and how everything feels up in the air but today I definitely feel a lot better and that cloud of fatigue isn’t there weighing me down in my chair. I feel brighter, even though the lighting in my little cave hasn’t changed, everything just seems to be lit up and I can see properly. Which is good.

I had a few nights where I was just drinking wine and writing to kind of just relax and stop worrying so much and I think that’s reset my clock. I didn’t get ‘wasted’ and don’t want to encourage drinking but it helped. Finding something to help you reset when you feel bogged down is good. Mine just happened to be half a bottle and snacks and doing nothing at all. Which isn’t very productive but I think that just happens sometimes.

Let’s get this work done and I can have another drink afterwards. Run ahead rather than spend my time pushing up against that wall of time.