There’s an area of skill that is relatively new to me. I’ve been doing a lot of the basics and every now and then doing brief research in my own time, but now that its relevancy is ramping up in my job, I’m doing proper research into it. This skill—or more like study area— is “marketing”. And I love and hate it at the same time. I love being creative and I always have ideas, but the implementation and design of those in the real world is something I never had to do until I started this job. They existed in my fiction. The good thing is that I have a pretty good understanding—or at least the ability to comprehend—how modern marketing works in terms of being online. I’m not fantastic at it yet, but I think it helps to have been born in the generation I was. And it also helps that I grew up enjoying with fidgeting with things, especially on the computer.

The part I’m struggling with the most is that it’s all so simple on paper, but actually doing it … I feel like … the audacity. I think it’s just a common case of imposter syndrome. How can I just suddenly act like I know that I can do this. And of course, I don’t. It’s clear that I’m learning, but with the way projects are shaping, I really need to gather that confidence and assertiveness, otherwise I’ll still be tugging on the shirt of the person in front of me—or, more accurately, googling the answer to my etiquette for hours to work myself up.

But, it just comes with the trauma as well I guess. The whole “not good at anything”, “never be anything” just always makes it a little worse. But I’m deal better with that now, and so I’m hoping after some progress with these new projects, I’ll be able to do them no worries come next year.

If you think you can’t do it, you stop yourself from doing it. If you think you can learn it, then you can see that, in a while, it’ll feel fine to do.