My second year is officially over and in a few weeks, I will begin the last year of my degree. It has been a strangely calm (really not-really, will explain later) and fulfilling two years. It has been incredibly validating to be able to go into something that I want to do with my life and be constantly moving forward with it.

The past couple of months have been a little ‘up in the air’, and I say that in quotations because it hasn’t been ‘crazy’ but I’ve felt a little ‘suspended’… for lack of a better way to put it. I think I’ve just been doing a lot of reflection and thinking about the future. I’m also trying to comprehend how different I am now compared to a few years ago.

When I first enrolled in the Bachelor of Social Work in 2014 at the University of Queensland, the only thing I was concerned with was not disappointing anyone by not getting into university. I actually had applied at the QUT for creative writing but accepted social work as soon as they sent me an offer, terrified that if I didn’t, I wouldn’t get another offer. I knew why I went into the Bachelor of Social Work (aside from the panic of getting into university) but I wasn’t ready. Coming from the type of childhood I had, I knew I wanted to help people who were in similar positions to me, but I didn’t realise that I hadn’t resolved any of my own personal issues. Well, of course I knew this, but I just denied that it would affect my professional ability. But being ‘strong’ isn’t easy and by the second semester, my mental stability snapped. But it was completely different when I enrolled in the Bachelor of Fine Arts in 2017. I had more experience, I’d dealt through most of my issues and I was going into something that I had no doubts I was in love with. I haven’t really made friends this time around either but I’m so much more comfortable talking to people and have built stable relationships. My new job is also very welcoming and is helping me expand on my skills (socially and professionally) and abilities.

I passed all of my units again. I was worried for a while that I was going to fail one of them but ended up doing a little better than I thought I would. The one thing that I felt most, more than the fear of failing and repeating the unit, was how proud of myself that I hadn’t broken down yet. It was so strange no being immediately strangled by my anxieties. It wasn’t as if I wasn’t worried or concerned about what was going to happen if I did fail the unit, but the fact that I was able to keep working well and continuing on in other areas of my life rather than shutting down was nice. I was impressed with myself, to be honest. My GPA is still good (still double than what I left UQ with).

I’m still not as productive as I would like to be but definitely have been doing more of what I want to. Now that the semester is over, I’ve been writing a lot more, working on my important projects that I’ve had since I was in high school. I’ve been doing more cleaning and looking more at my fitness and finances… and developing my gaming skills… probably more than I should considering I haven’t been paying much attention to my self-studies.

For the past few weeks, outside of working on my writing, I’ve also been re-developing my resume and writing up my expressions of interest for the projects that I’ve applied for. In 2020, as part of my degree, I have to complete a Creative Situated Practice Project. I’ve applied for two, finally (the applications opened in late November but I’ve been worried about my applications), but really have my heart set on one of them. The idea is that we work on collaborative art/ish projects to develop our skills, build a relationship with our peers and experience a part of the industry. It was something that I really didn’t want to do at first because I was set on doing a second minor, but seeing my first preference listed in the project list completely changed my mind, and I’m excited about it (given that I get accepted).

I have a lot of goals for 2020, one of them being to read and write anymore, but my biggest will be focusing on maintaining habits. I think that is my first priority because it affects a lot of my other goals. My biggest weakness would have to be my inconsistency. I don’t think a solid schedule will work for me, because that’s what I’ve always tried, and so I’m going to look at different methods, or at least better methods that will help me progress to being able to maintain a proper schedule. I’m going to make a 2020 Goal Sheet to stick up on my desk so it screams at me every day… or whenever I actually sit at my desk.

It’s summer holidays, and so it’s time for me to really look at all of the drafts I’ve kept stuffed in the drawers and reflect properly on this year of university. Until next time!